I'm joining in for the first time with Five Minute Friday, hopefully I can stick to the rules and not get caught blathering on about inconsequential stuff!!
Here goes!
This week's theme is 'broken'
Not too long ago, someone dropped this thought on me: "sometimes God has to break things in you to allow space for new life to emerge.". Immediately my mind jumped to negative things: pride, stubbornness, arrogance, issues of sin etc pbut what happens when God breaks something seemingly good?
18 months ago my husband and I were ticking along quite nicely, thank you very much, when a rapid chain of events caused our happy little bubble to come tumbling down around our ears. Friendships were severed, trusts were broken, life got lonely and confusing, we felt abandoned by those who were meant to be helping and guiding us. We retreated away to lick our wounds and wonder what on earth we had done to cause this awful, unexpected thing to occur. Sadly, we've been walking through the backlash of that ever since.
Just recently however, we've begun to experience change, a new sense of hope has started to emerge. It isn't a case of the things which were broken being repaired, unfortunately life isn't always as simple as that (if ever!) but we have seen new growth within ourselves. Stepping out of the battlefield we've lived in for over a year and into something infinitely better. And it's exciting!
We are trusting God that He broke something to make it better. Perhaps we couldn't see there was anything wrong but God, who ultimately wants the very best for us, could see. We are walking with a new sense of freedom and purpose and it's amazing!
We have learned so much about holding onto the promises of God. That even when your valley seems long and wide, your situation hopeless; that God is still your resting place and your stronghold.
At the time it seemed irrational and unfair and I'm sure we'll carry the marks of the events for some time but (as I'm learning more and more) God is working for something much bigger than we can imagine and if being a part of that means occasionally things have to get broken then I'm open and willing to trust in my amazing God.
"...and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" Romans 8 v 28
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29 v 11
I recently had the privilege of going away with my church family. It's amazing how a simple change of scenery can make such a difference. People who I have never seen share on a Sunday morning (in my six years of being there anyway!) were bringing pictures and words from God. It was truly fantastic.
But, I digress. One of the threads which came through was about God bringing dead dreams alive. A very fitting picture was described by one lady, that of an eagle rising from the ashes and soaring high.
This ties in so much what what I've been pondering on lately. Towards the end of February I started thinking about lost dreams; plans and hopes for the future which haven't come to fruition. Quite out of the blue really the main question I wondered over was "at what point do you draw a line under the dreams you had when you were younger and accept that they aren't going to happen?" If I consider my practical situation, some of the vaster dreams I have will surely never be realised.
Growing up in a church environment, attending youth groups etc I have often heard statements such as "God has put dreams and desires in your heart." And I suppose I never really considered the possibility that these dreams might have to change and adapt.
So it was in light of these thoughts that I began to mentally strikeout some of the things I had always pictured myself doing.
With hindsight, I imagine this is the point where God face palmed and exclaimed "for crying out loud, have some patience!"
Patience: quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence. Ability to suppress restlessness
Definitely not my strong suit here, I cannot claim to be gifted in any of the above!
Literally a week after having my 'realistic life shake up' (haha!) an opportunity landed in my lap which not only convinced me that God has a sense of humour but also was a sharp reminder of how we can so easily forget that God has a bigger picture and a perfectly timed plan for all of us. This opportunity has the potential to fulfil all of the dreams I wrote off. Every single one of them! If that isn't a superb example of God's timing then I don't know what is.
Shortly after this, a very close friend emailed me an excerpt from the new Holley Gerth book which said:
"Hey you...the one looking for more purpose and listening for God's plan. Here's what that restlessness is really all about: there's a God-sized dream knocking on the door of your heart."
What if those thoughts I'd been having had been brought to the surface by a sense of restlessness? A preparation in my heart for what was heading my way so that I wouldn't dismiss it as 'impractical' or 'not for right now?'
Once again I am reminded that the best way to navigate our way through life is to trust in God and know that he will fulfil the hopes and desires he has planted in our hearts (yes, I really do believe there is truth in that!)
And whilst we may say "can't" "impossible" "impractical" "never", God says "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt 19 v 26
Jealousy: the green eyed monster we all feel. All of us, come on admit it...even those of us who try really hard not to!
Over the past 18 months we've been walking through a big vast wide valley...to us it feels humungous, insurmountable almost and it has been so difficult to not look around and view everyone else's situations with jealousy. It feels as though the things that we wish for the most, those ideals and dreams that we hold close to our hearts are snatched away every time we reach for them.
Jealousy is something I have always fought against. I'm a do-er by nature, I like to push forward, get on with things and this is often displayed in my wanting to complete things and move onto 'the next stage'
Marriage: tick
Children: tick
Family pet: tick
and so on and so on.
So to feel as though we've hit a brick wall, to feel as though everyone else is moving forwards and we are just stuck is incredibly difficult for me to swallow. I look around with seething envy and think "why can't we have a bit of that luck?"
But the thing I am so often reminded of at times like this, is that everyone has their own journey to walk. And more often than not, the person that is displayed to the outside world is not the person on the inside. I had a conversation with a friend recently, a friend who I would have suggested has got all her boxes currently ticked and is pursuing life quite happily. Not so. There are hopes and dreams that she carries which are not being fulfilled. She is, to be honest, quite worried about the future and is struggling with feelings of jealousy towards other people and their situations. Her family have their own valleys to cross.
This friend was equally surprised when I revealed that for the past 18 months I have felt caught in a continual downward spiral, that everything I touch turns to dust. From the outside it appears that whilst we may be open about things we'd like to see change 'at some point', we haven't been particularly forthcoming about things we want to see changed 'now.'
Jealousy is hard because as people we are such self-centred beings. It can so quickly and easily become all about us and our wants and our needs and our desires. As Christians, we know that it should be about what God wants for our lives but that's not always easy to consider in the face of the here and now.
As always I find it important to turn to the bible and what God says, to gain some clarity on how to move on:
Proverbs 14 v 30: 'A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones'
This is such a brilliant way of saying don't fret, don't allow yourself to become bogged down by wants and wishes. Give it over to God, set your heart at peace and go out and live your life!
James 3 v 16: 'For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice'
How often, and how quickly, can feelings of jealousy multiply until they are all you can think of? How easily do our hearts become embittered towards other people when it feels like everything is going right for them and not for us? I have to hold my hands up and say sometimes I have even become confused about what it is I'm actually envious of because it so rapidly overtakes clear and rational thinking. It becomes a snowball of emotion where you end up missing the point because all you can think about is how you want what you can't have.
In times like these it's important to try and take a step back. Instead of thinking about what it is that we don't have, to think about what we do have and to thank God for those things. I often suffer with bouts of insomnia (due to a brain which never switches off!) and something I've found which helps me is to write down three things I am thankful each day. It gives my mind focus but also, at times when I'm feeling down I have a ready made list of all the amazing little things that happen in my every day life. Things that are so simple to forget when we are feeling sorry for ourselves!!
I was given a lovely jacket for mother's day recently which said, on the tag "life is out there" and I thought, how amazingly apt for where we are currently at. Life is out there not stuck in our heads or in our homes. It's not in our gripes and grumbles, it's out there and we need to go forwards and experience it, trialling times and all.
I know, from experience, that we won't be walking through our valley forever, but that doesn't mean that I can put my head down and choose to wallow as we walk, moaning about other people and how I perceive their lives. I need to make the decision to lift my head up, set my heart at peace, stop worrying about what everyone else has or hasn't got in comparision to me and step forwards.
With God at my side.
With God at my centre.
There are many times in my life when I've thought 'that's it, I've had enough' not just about my relationship with God but about a lot of things. Life isn't easy and I am the kind of person who instinctively rebels and pushes against things and people when the going gets tough.
But the one thing I have always had to come back to was just how much God loves me, and all of us.
The idea of being pursued may conjour up a variety of meanings for different people. I don't always think about it in the best light, but one of the meanings of pursued is 'to follow someone or something to catch them' - in it's most innocent sense I believe that is what God does. He never holds his hands up and walks away from us. He doesn't hound or harrass us or chase us down, although often there have been times in my life when I've been trying to escape and everywhere I turn there is God's love at work, guiding and calming me. He is just always there. He has a relentless love which really never gives up despite how we may feel at the time!
I'm a very emotive and passionate person, prone to long and loud outbursts and sometimes I can feel as though I'm shouting into a void but I'm gradually learning that He is always listening and, if I can stop just a second to catch my breath, I may hear something back.
You may have come over here from my lifestyle and family blog 'Catch A Single Thought' or you may have stumbled across this accidentally. Either way, this is my personal space where I'm going to share my thoughts and feelings, sometimes overly honestly (if there's such a thing!) about my walk with God.
Because life is never perfect, we're all on a journey and sometimes the going can get really really tough but God is always waiting, always loving us, always ready.
