I can't start this post in any way other than by saying I was shocked when I realised how long it has been since I've come here to write, to share. Life got a bit busy, a bit hectic and things began to fall by the wayside, this blog included. It was harder to find the time to put aside to come and focus on what God was saying. So I didn't. I kept 'meaning to' but good intentions are useless without action aren't they?
On Sunday, the Pastor was talking about Devotional Pathways and the different ways we each engage with God best. I was hit by this sudden sense of loss whilst I was listening, and aware that I wasn't utilising my devotional pathway at all. I meet with God in a variety of ways, through music and dance, through nature, I guess I fall into the 'reflective' category. But the times when I know I'm meeting with God is when I'm doing what I believe I was called to do, write. By not writing, I'm not giving myself 100% over to God. I'm not doing the very thing that I know God wants me to be doing.
I don't have a reason for this, other than laziness. We are going through a huge transitional period as a family and having to adjust so much, life doesn't look the same as it did 2 weeks ago let alone 4 months ago and whilst my brain is frantically trying to sift through it all and make sense, things have been pushed to the side and forgotten about.
The worst part is, I've been wandering around carrying this great sense of something being missing, life not being enough any more. I've felt like I'm holding a ball of wool in my hands and it's unravelling faster and faster and no matter how many times I try to gather all the threads back together, they don't look or fit right. I recognise now (hindsight is a wonderful thing!) that I've been missing my devotional time. My time with God. I've been trying to sort it out my own way and then wondering why I feel like there's something not quite right.
Thank goodness God doesn't operate a 'three strikes and you're out' policy otherwise I'd be toast!
As we come out of this period of adjustment, I'm setting myself the challenge of making sure I find the time each week to have some devotional time. I'd like to say every day but I know at the minute, that our lives are too hectic and I'd soon become overwhelmed with guilt when I failed to make that happen.
I am so excited for what this blog could become, and I really want to give some time to sharing the thoughts and ideas that God has put on my heart. Hopefully I can make that happen!
I love this version of Matthew 6 v 33 from the Message as I think it's so relevant to what I've been forgetting lately:
'Steep your life in God-reality, God initiative God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.'
Jess x
