Thankful {God has a plan!}

Today I am thankful that God has got a bigger plan for us.  

Meg received her place for primary school today and it is our first choice for placement.  A voluntary aided C of E, which is such a fantastic family school.  Not putting our catchment school down we were really nervous she would end up placeless but praise God she didn't and she will be going to a school with two other children that she knows from our Church.

My husband has also got an interview in the next week or so for a job which would be based locally.  It was supposed to be tomorrow but there are so many line managers who want to be a part of the interview and meet with him that they are struggling to find a date they can all do.  He was head-hunted for this role and thus far seems to fit all their criteria; they wanted someone who lived in the area we do with certain qualifications, all of which my husband has.  It will be a completely different role to the one he does now but he wants a change so that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I don't know what the outcome will be but so far so good and we are trusting God that if this is a job hand picked for my husband that it will go well and he will know it's the right decision to make.

I am thankful that God is as much at work in the small details of our lives as he is in the big things.

Can't wait to see what's next!

Here {Five Minute Friday}

It's been a busy little week and I haven't had any chance at all to sit down at the computer and write but I didn't want to miss out on Five Minute Friday as I am really starting to enjoy the freedom of writing whatever comes to mind. 

So, if you don't know what Five Minute Friday is, here's what you do:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.
2. Link back and invite others to join in.
3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

This week's theme is Here

GO!

Last Sunday our Pastor was talking to us about restoration, about God's ultimate plan for our lives and he said something which has stuck in my mind all week, "God isn't forgetful, he doesn't leave us outside alone"...in other words, He is Here.  Always.  Right now wherever you are.  God is there.

Sometimes it can be so so easy to forget that.  I do it all the time and never fail to be surprised when God reveals that he has been present all along. 

At the moment my husband is looking for another job.  He wants to stay in a similar line of work but do something a bit different, something with better hours so that he can spend more time with us as a family instead of leaving the house at 6.15am every morning and not getting home until after 6pm.  Unfortunately though he's been struggling to find a job.  Companies want to employ him, just doing the same work that he is doing now which isn't what he's after.

Last month a great opportunity came up which opened our eyes to the different kinds of work he could do.  We were so excited, feedback from his interview was really great and we started to get a bit ahead of ourselves making plans about how our lives would be vastly different.  Then he didn't get the job.  Which sucked.  Not only that, he has spent the last month hitting his head against the wall not getting any other prospective job interviews.

I actually made the comment to him last week, after hearing some good news about a friend (I know, I need to learn to be a bit more gracious!) "why does it feel like everybody else is getting opportunities and we are just stuck?"

You think I would have learned after the last time I started making sweeping statements and writing situations off that God just doesn't work like that.  He must get very fed up watching me chase my tail around for an hour or so and then exclaiming that I've had enough, instead of simply trusting that he hasn't forgotten us.  That he is with us always and has our best interests at heart. 

Because, this week, my husband has had several job opportunities present themselves.  Much better job opportunities.  One in particular would be so beyond perfect that I daren't even get my hopes up for a second, just in case.  But it really proves to me once again that all I need to do is trust in God.  I am such a 'here and now' person that I struggle with trusting that it's all in hand.  I want to know what the next step is, what will it look like, when will it happen, how will I know etc etc 

It's something I'm working on at the moment!  And God keeps on with me.  I get in a muddle, finally remember that I'm not working in my own strength and then God opens the doors for us.  If only I could remember that in the first place I think our lives would be a good deal less stressful!!

So, my lesson for the week: God has not forgotten me, you or anybody else.  He is here. 

STOP!

After {Five Minute Friday}

I am joining in with LisaJo Baker again this week for Five Minute Friday.

Here's what you do:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.
2. Link back and invite others to join in.
3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

The theme this week is 'After'

Go!

Have you ever made a mistake?  The worst part, in my opinion is after the fact; when you realise you've done wrong and then have to deal with the consequences.  That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know that you are going to have to face something that you'd really really rather not.  I, for one, am great at dodging dealing with stuff.  Burying my head in the sand and pretending situations don't exist?  Easy!

The thing is, God doesn't want us to live like that.  We have to learn to think wisely before we make our mistakes, and, for those times when we forget, we have to learn to act with grace and humility.  To go back and deal with those consequences we'd rather pretend didn't exist.

I remember one time on a work night out talking to my then boss and he said to me "why do you have to explain yourself to anyone?  Just be who you are and the rest of them can get lost" (This is the clean version!)  Wouldn't that just be a great way to live?  To be able to live your life without fear of having to come up with justifications for your behaviour, without having to worry about how other people view you.  To be however you wanted without ever having to offer up a single explanation for the way you have acted.

Except...it wouldn't.  People would get hurt, relationships would be damaged, it would be difficult to move forwards.  Life would be total chaos.

We are living in the 'after' of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us when he took our sin and our shame on himself.  That means we have a responsibility to make good on that.  That means there are consequences to the way that we live our life.  That we need to choose to live wisely and honourably. 

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse" Philippians 4 v 8-9 {The Message}

Easier said than done sometimes!  But, when we do choose to live our lives that way there is an amazing response.  I believe people feel secure in being part of your life because they know and understand the way you operate and respond to that.  Relationships are real because everyone is on the same page; if you make a mistake and you are willing to admit it, apologise (if necessary) and move forwards then that earns a lot of respect.  Especially, I have found, amongst people of have a fixed image of what being a Christian is.

In our church family at the moment we're learning a lot about community and living life like Jesus.  Amongst real people living real life, which means walking with them through real situations.  Being ourselves and not trying to be a 'perfect' image of something we will always fail to live up to thereby letting people down.  It means sometimes having to swallow our pride and admit that we have got it wrong but I prefer it 100% to trying to pretend that I never fall down.

Living in the 'after' demands certain things of you, yes.  But it also allows a great sense of freedom.  Jesus died not just to cover the bad things you would do but also to give you the freedom to be the amazing person he designed.  That's the kind of 'after' I can get on board with!

Stop!

Hmm, a bit more rambly than last week.  I'm afraid I lost my way a bit with this theme!  I hope it made sense to those who chose to read it.  As someone who enjoys perfecting the things she writes I'm not sure whether I find it liberating or terrifying not to be able to go back and correct.  It is a literal splurge of my thoughts out into the open!

What's Your Risk?

I mentioned in an earlier post about my time away recently with my church family. Something else which was posed to us whilst there was the question "what is your risk?"

I imagine that this challenged people in a multitude of ways. Some were prompted to step forwards and share with the rest of us. Others turned inwards, became reflective and simply sat. My husband's risk was offering to pray for his boss's daughter who is extremely poorly when he returned to work.

As soon as the words left the Pastor's (I'm positive he won't appreciate this title but needs must!) mouth I felt God drop my 'risk' into my heart. I knew and understood it without even a moments hesitation as it's something I've been wondering and considering for some time.

What was it, I hear you ask?

This.

Me sitting here, writing and sharing this.

Allowing people a look in on my walk of faith.

I am a brilliant compartmentalist.  Every aspect of my life is separated within my brain.  Every role I take on has it's place.  That isn't to say that I'm a different person (much!) in every role and I always aim to be honest about my beliefs with anyone who asks but I'm not forthcoming about it.  I don't talk much about my christian life unless it's prompted.  Even within my church family my contributions are controlled and measured.  For me to be open would be IS a risk.

Publishing this blog on my personal social media networks invites people to look, people who probably wouldn't come into contact with my faith otherwise.  Linking it with my family life blog with it's growing readership is running the risk of slowing that or even losing some regular visitors.

But, I believe that writing is one of my gifts (and one I've discounted until recently) and to not write, about anything, would be to stop God using my gifts for His greater purpose.

Risks cost.  That's well known.  The question really is whether you are willing to pay the price for the bigger picture.

I can't say what the outcome of this risk will be.  There may be loss.  There may be injury to my pride.  I may feel nervous about clicking 'publish', but I have to trust God, that this is just a tiny part of something so much bigger than me.

Even this morning I was still debating over whether to publish this post and whilst scanning over my twitter timeline I saw a quote come up which served as a massive encouragement that sometimes you just have to take that step.

(I'm really learning at the moment that God is always trying to speak to us, even when we're completely unaware of it!)

Then I was reminded of this verse, for days when taking that step seems like it's the hardest thing in the world:

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18 v 2 

What better safety net could we ask for when stepping out into a world of risk?

I don't have any pearls of wisdom to tie this post up nicely I'm afraid.  Just this challenge: what is your risk?  Take some time today to consider it and be encouraged to go for it!

Following the 'unveiling' of my first post on this blog I received some totally unexpected feedback.  A handful of people got in touch with words of encouragement, people I would never expect to read and respond.  Had I not started down this road of risk I would never have seen those messages.  It makes me excited for what else could be on it's way!

Broken {Five Minute Friday}

I'm joining in for the first time with Five Minute Friday, hopefully I can stick to the rules and not get caught blathering on about inconsequential stuff!!

Here goes!

This week's theme is 'broken'

Not too long ago, someone dropped this thought on me: "sometimes God has to break things in you to allow space for new life to emerge.". Immediately my mind jumped to negative things: pride, stubbornness, arrogance, issues of sin etc pbut what happens when God breaks something seemingly good?

18 months ago my husband and I were ticking along quite nicely, thank you very much, when a rapid chain of events caused our happy little bubble to come tumbling down around our ears. Friendships were severed, trusts were broken, life got lonely and confusing, we felt abandoned by those who were meant to be helping and guiding us. We retreated away to lick our wounds and wonder what on earth we had done to cause this awful, unexpected thing to occur. Sadly, we've been walking through the backlash of that ever since.

Just recently however, we've begun to experience change, a new sense of hope has started to emerge. It isn't a case of the things which were broken being repaired, unfortunately life isn't always as simple as that (if ever!) but we have seen new growth within ourselves. Stepping out of the battlefield we've lived in for over a year and into something infinitely better. And it's exciting!

We are trusting God that He broke something to make it better. Perhaps we couldn't see there was anything wrong but God, who ultimately wants the very best for us, could see. We are walking with a new sense of freedom and purpose and it's amazing!

We have learned so much about holding onto the promises of God. That even when your valley seems long and wide, your situation hopeless; that God is still your resting place and your stronghold.

At the time it seemed irrational and unfair and I'm sure we'll carry the marks of the events for some time but (as I'm learning more and more) God is working for something much bigger than we can imagine and if being a part of that means occasionally things have to get broken then I'm open and willing to trust in my amazing God.

"...and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" Romans 8 v 28

God-Given Dreams

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29 v 11

I recently had the privilege of going away with my church family.  It's amazing how a simple change of scenery can make such a difference.  People who I have never seen share on a Sunday morning (in my six years of being there anyway!) were bringing pictures and words from God.  It was truly fantastic.

But, I digress.  One of the threads which came through was about God bringing dead dreams alive.  A very fitting picture was described by one lady, that of an eagle rising from the ashes and soaring high.

This ties in so much what what I've been pondering on lately.  Towards the end of February I started thinking about lost dreams; plans and hopes for the future which haven't come to fruition.  Quite out of the blue really the main question I wondered over was "at what point do you draw a line under the dreams you had when you were younger and accept that they aren't going to happen?"  If I consider my practical situation, some of the vaster dreams I have will surely never be realised.  

Growing up in a church environment, attending youth groups etc I have often heard statements such as "God has put dreams and desires in your heart."  And I suppose I never really considered the possibility that these dreams might have to change and adapt.

So it was in light of these thoughts that I began to mentally strikeout some of the things I had always pictured myself doing.

With hindsight, I imagine this is the point where God face palmed and exclaimed "for crying out loud, have some patience!"

Patience: quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.  Ability to suppress restlessness

Definitely not my strong suit here, I cannot claim to be gifted in any of the above!

Literally a week after having my 'realistic life shake up' (haha!) an opportunity landed in my lap which not only convinced me that God has a sense of humour but also was a sharp reminder of how we can so easily forget that God has a bigger picture and a perfectly timed plan for all of us.  This opportunity has the potential to fulfil all of the dreams I wrote off.  Every single one of them!  If that isn't a superb example of God's timing then I don't know what is.

Shortly after this, a very close friend emailed me an excerpt from the new Holley Gerth book which said:

"Hey you...the one looking for more purpose and listening for God's plan.  Here's what that restlessness is really all about: there's a God-sized dream knocking on the door of your heart."

What if those thoughts I'd been having had been brought to the surface by a sense of restlessness?  A preparation in my heart for what was heading my way so that I wouldn't dismiss it as 'impractical' or 'not for right now?'

Once again I am reminded that the best way to navigate our way through life is to trust in God and know that he will fulfil the hopes and desires he has planted in our hearts (yes, I really do believe there is truth in that!)

And whilst we may say "can't" "impossible" "impractical" "never", God says "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt 19 v 26

Jealousy

Jealousy: the green eyed monster we all feel.  All of us, come on admit it...even those of us who try really hard not to!

Over the past 18 months we've been walking through a big vast wide valley...to us it feels humungous, insurmountable almost and it has been so difficult to not look around and view everyone else's situations with jealousy.  It feels as though the things that we wish for the most, those ideals and dreams that we hold close to our hearts are snatched away every time we reach for them.

Jealousy is something I have always fought against.  I'm a do-er by nature, I like to push forward, get on with things and this is often displayed in my wanting to complete things and move onto 'the next stage' 

Marriage: tick
Children: tick
Family pet: tick

and so on and so on. 

So to feel as though we've hit a brick wall, to feel as though everyone else is moving forwards and we are just stuck is incredibly difficult for me to swallow.  I look around with seething envy and think "why can't we have a bit of that luck?"

But the thing I am so often reminded of at times like this, is that everyone has their own journey to walk.  And more often than not, the person that is displayed to the outside world is not the person on the inside.  I had a conversation with a friend recently, a friend who I would have suggested has got all her boxes currently ticked and is pursuing life quite happily.  Not so.  There are hopes and dreams that she carries which are not being fulfilled.  She is, to be honest, quite worried about the future and is struggling with feelings of jealousy towards other people and their situations.  Her family have their own valleys to cross.

This friend was equally surprised when I revealed that for the past 18 months I have felt caught in a continual downward spiral, that everything I touch turns to dust.  From the outside it appears that whilst we may be open about things we'd like to see change 'at some point', we haven't been particularly forthcoming about things we want to see changed 'now.'

Jealousy is hard because as people we are such self-centred beings.  It can so quickly and easily become all about us and our wants and our needs and our desires.  As Christians, we know that it should be about what God wants for our lives but that's not always easy to consider in the face of the here and now.

As always I find it important to turn to the bible and what God says, to gain some clarity on how to move on:

Proverbs 14 v 30: 'A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones'

This is such a brilliant way of saying don't fret, don't allow yourself to become bogged down by wants and wishes. Give it over to God, set your heart at peace and go out and live your life!

James 3 v 16: 'For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice'

How often, and how quickly, can feelings of jealousy multiply until they are all you can think of?  How easily do our hearts become embittered towards other people when it feels like everything is going right for them and not for us?  I have to hold my hands up and say sometimes I have even become confused about what it is I'm actually envious of because it so rapidly overtakes clear and rational thinking.  It becomes a snowball of emotion where you end up missing the point because all you can think about is how you want what you can't have.

In times like these it's important to try and take a step back.  Instead of thinking about what it is that we don't have, to think about what we do have and to thank God for those things.  I often suffer with bouts of insomnia (due to a brain which never switches off!) and something I've found which helps me is to write down three things I am thankful each day.  It gives my mind focus but also, at times when I'm feeling down I have a ready made list of all the amazing little things that happen in my every day life.  Things that are so simple to forget when we are feeling sorry for ourselves!!

I was given a lovely jacket for mother's day recently which said, on the tag "life is out there" and I thought, how amazingly apt for where we are currently at.  Life is out there not stuck in our heads or in our homes.  It's not in our gripes and grumbles, it's out there and we need to go forwards and experience it, trialling times and all.

I know, from experience, that we won't be walking through our valley forever, but that doesn't mean that I can put my head down and choose to wallow as we walk, moaning about other people and how I perceive their lives.  I need to make the decision to lift my head up, set my heart at peace, stop worrying about what everyone else has or hasn't got in comparision to me and step forwards. 

With God at my side. 

With God at my centre.